Wednesday, February 24, 2016

The Winter Blues

February 24, 2016

Happy birthday, sister! Try not to let it go to your head.

Evidently, February is the month that "the winter blues" finally got me, and good (although for me, it's more like "the winter anxieties"). When you're rooting for the temperature to hit 32 F because that's almost 100 degrees warmer than it was for two or three weeks and is a reasonable temperature to be outside in, when a sunny day tricks you into thinking it's warm because you haven't seen much sun in the past two months, when you look forward to being able to walk to school without your breath freezing on your glasses (not fogging, freezing), and when you look forward to snow because that means it's warm enough for moisture to form in large enough amounts to count as precipitation -- that can wear one down.

To be fair to Mongolia, February is usually my least-favorite month (although some years January takes the cake), and I've struggled with winter from a mental-health perspective for as long as I can remember. Nonetheless, this one has me thinking more and more about what I can do to overcome this feeling of malaise, and my sometimes desperate desire to see something green.

Emily recently provided me a link to a blog which she follows somewhat religiously called "Mr. Money Mustache" about a dude who managed to save up enough money to retire when he was, no joke, 30 years old. The money part of it is less interesting to me, at least at this point in my life, but the blog's author focuses a lot on mentality, and the post Emily recommended to me is about one of the first habits listed in the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" -- in this case, identifying the things that stress you out or cause you consternation, and trying to separate them into groups of "can control" and "cannot control".

I've made a list of such things; for instance, I cannot control whether UK wins the NCAA tournament this year, no matter how long I go without washing my favorite UK shirt. I cannot control whether the global economic system collapses, I cannot control the condoned and lauded anti-science views of half of the US electorate, and I cannot control the length and intensity of the Mongolian winter. I can control, however, my posture, how often I write, my tendency to overschedule, and how much time I spend playing video games.

I've found it helpful and incredibly centering to think of things in terms of what I can and can't control. If nothing else, it helps me to realize that there are things that are well within my circle of control that could (and in some cases eventually will) be impossible for me to do. For example, I'm young, physically fit, and reasonably intelligent, so many of the problems that I see in my life right now can be overcome. Some day, I may have a stroke and be unable to speak, or lose a leg in a freak roller-coaster accident and be unable to run. But today is not that day.

That being said, there are some things which I'm less sure about; my tendency toward addiction (see video games), my failing in learning Korean, and my continual battles with my bowels notwithstanding. Which category do these things fall in? Where does mental disease fall into this, and what are the lines there? I.e., do I have a mental disease in anxiety, or am I just undisciplined?

A more difficult question, for me, revolves around climate change. As most of you know, I am firm in the knowledge that this is the most important threat facing humanity at this point. Yet is it something I can control? Of course not. I can advocate for serious climate change action and legislation, I can vote for people who say they will uphold the international agreements to which we are already party, and I can take steps to limit my own carbon footprint. But ultimately, much of that lies so far outside of my sphere of control that it sometimes feels pointless to even try. 

And we come full circle! I despair about some of the things I cannot control because they seem to be every bit as important as the things that I can control. I can rationalize all day about why it's in my best interest and the best interests of those who I love for me to do everything I can to fight against climate change, but if I'm focusing on things I can control, the problem becomes far more complex than that (damn you, life, resisting simple dichotomy!). For example, is it my responsibility to do something about climate change? Two of the most important goals are to stay healthy and happy, and I think of that as a thing that I can control. Am I wrong in the face of something that will undoubtedly impact both of those things?

Short answer: no, probably not. Cancer can also kill me, and there are thousands of things we know of that cause cancer, aging notwithstanding. In some places, being outside is one of them. A supervolcano could erupt, an asteroid could impact Earth, or a Coronal Mass Ejection could destroy the electrical infrastructure around the world. Should I spend my life advocating for preparation in the face of these things which will, statistically, definitely happen?

Is it my responsibility to stop climate change? Well, in a way yes, but ultimately it's everyone's responsibility. I can do what I can to advocate for change, but if it's just me, it's pointless. I can scream and shout on the steps of the Capitol about preparing for an asteroid impact, I can hem and haw on street corners about the dangers of speculative investing and negative interest rates, and I can set myself on fire to simulate what might happen if the Yellowstone Supervolcano erupts, but it's just leaves in the wind if I'm the only person trying.

Take a more concrete example: I want to make Emily happy in life. Is that a thing I can control? No. I can control how I treat Emily, how I act toward her, but if tomorrow something terrible happens to her, she's probably going to be sad.

Ultimately, this "can and cannot" exercise proved extremely helpful to me. Not only by way of categorizing, but by giving me a perspective on my own anxiety, and the frankly illogical impositions I've put on myself. Long story short: give it a try.

Thanks for reading. Here's a picture of Emily with a dead fish in a bucket as a reward for your perseverance:

9 comments:

  1. Thanks for the bday shout out. I feel that I am now internationally known!!

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  2. Love the dead fish!!! Miss you both. Hope it hits 32 and stays there for awhile.

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    1. The above is Me, Me, Me.....Guess who .... 1st hint... I'm your Aunt silly!!! Now which one..

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    2. I don't remember having an Aunt Silly.

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  3. This is the level of introspection I hope to hit in my own writing. Keep up the good work, Eric!

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  4. I am just so pleased that people can see this picture. It is so perfect.

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  6. Emily, you look "mahvelous"! Who is the fish in the bucket from? Did you give some to tomato?

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    1. We tried, but he didn't want any. He likes to smell it, but when you try to get him to eat it: no go.

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